Things they don’t tell you when you have a mastectomy

Here are 5 things I found out after my double mastectomy that I never knew about.  I practically lived on the Internets and consumed any breast reconstruction blogs I could find but never heard of any of these oddities.

This list is what I learned, its not a complaint list, just the facts man! Some things I wish I had known about, others I was glad I didn’t.

  1. You can’t shimmy like your sister kate!  The new girls are not  squishy.  They don’t move that much when I jump up and down. It’s 11 months since I had  the tissue expanders removed and implants added, I still cannot comfortably sleep on my stomach. Yesterday I had trouble getting out of a dress, they stopped the dress getting over my head like a rubber bumper. Quite funny, and a little sad that I needed help to escape.
  2. They may not match in size or shape. Yup, Who would have thought that with identical tissue expanders and identical implants Ms. Lefty would look smaller and flatter.
  3. Actually you may get some feeling back. I can sometimes feel pressure and I am getting some phantom sensations like something crawling over my skin. I was in a meeting where it felt like a dribble of coffee was running down my cleavage. I put my coffee down and discreetly looked, there was nothing.
  4. Liposuction is incredibly painful. If you have a fat transplant to fill in any creases around the implants they will need to harvest fat. Long after the scars had healed, the area where they harvested fat felt tender and bruised. The bruising pain did go away after about 6 weeks.
  5. You may end up with hairy nipples. I think this confuses and annoys me the most. The skin was harvested from below my navel and they went a little lower and the skin had some stray pubes.  Why would they go so low?  I seriously doubt I will ever want to wear anything that may show the scar.  So now I’m a menopausal woman with hair where I didn’t expect it.  I already spend time plucking my eye brows, a few years ago, I started getting some stray hairs on my chin and mustache. Well, who knew the trend would continue south!  Whats’s next?  Hairy toes! Oh yeah, never mind.

May be there are just too many things to warn mastectomy patients of. They say we’re all different. I know I certainly am.


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