Mastectomy: Non regrette rien

7-7-16 One Year since I was pumped with radioactivity, had a  double mastectomy operation, lymph node extraction, tissue expander implants, oodles of propofol, a bunch of gasses and a lot of narcotics! My first surgery of 3 in an 8 month time span (about 4+1+2 hours under general anesthesia).

What a weird day 7-7-16 was. Looking back the hubs and I still joke about me puking and how my hands shook violently when I got up to walk for the first time after surgery.  Ah, good times!  We can do that because, even though I was puking from the drug overload, we had got word that my lymph nodes were clear. As far as they could tell, nothing had spread. So losing my boobs and being pumped with drugs was all good, just collateral damage after a positive ER+/PR+ biopsy result.

With the exception of the month after nipple reconstruction (3rd operation), when I second-guessed my decision, I have had no regrets about this past year. Even then when I wasn’t happy when I saw my new fipples, I knew I would have regretted not having fipple reconstruction surgery.

I remember last year looking down at my chest in the hospital bed, after the mastectomy, almost expecting to scream or start crying (I was prepared for that). I had no emotion, they were gone, I didn’t feel sad, there was nothing there, it was a fact. I had made my decision, and in some ways, I felt good they were gone and I was moving forward. No more worry about recurring breast cancer, no more mammograms.

Today the new girls are misshapen, one is wide the other is a triangle. My areolae don’t match in size or shape, there is a ski slope on the left side and a green run on the right. Some have said I have a killer cleavage. That is probably true, if you like the butt cheek look (which I don’t).  There are lots of thing you’re born with that are not what you would have chosen. There are also some things you get in life you don’t like. I wasn’t planning on going back to the stripper pole after surgery, so what I have is fine. The surgery removed the small crumb of cancer. Mission accomplished!

But I wish expectations had been set a little differently. My thoughts on that are for another blog post. Today I’m happy to celebrate a year.  My friend who was also diagnosed with BC within days of me is also doing well and had a clear mammogram.  Yeah for us!


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