Right to Life Virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

Ross Perot Virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

Dan Quayle Virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.

Terry Randall Virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

Jeffrey Dahmer Virus: Eats away at your systems resources piece by piece.

Warren Beatty Virus: Constantly tries to prove its virility by attaching itself to younger or newer files.

Michael Jackson Virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

Willard Scott Virus: Keeps track of all family birthdays and renders verbose birthday wishes each time you request weather predictions.

Star Trek Virus: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Healthcare Virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

George Bush Virus (Japanese strain): Eats some of your files, then immediately regurgitates them.

George Bush Virus: It starts by boldly stating "Read my text... No new files!" on screen, proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, and then blames it on the Congress virus.

Quantum Leap Virus: One day your PC is a laptop, the next day it is a Macintosh, then a Nintendo.

Cleveland Indians Virus: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.

LAPD Virus: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "selfdefense."

Chicago Cubs Virus Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.