November 16, 2017 will be 2 years since my implants were inserted.
December will officially be 2 years of survivorship; for me it started in December 2015 when I received a letter telling me I was entering survivorship time. I technically didn’t finish surgeries until April 2016, and I stopped seeing an oncologist in August 2015, so I don’t really know why the letter came in December.
Anyhoo, I’ve written before about hating the survivor name, but now I don’t cringe so much or get annoyed. Time passing does make a difference. I also don’t care (so much) that my boobs don’t match and have pointy edges at the end of incision scars; my cleavage looks okay with clothes on.
Life goes on. I feel my brain is almost back (the surgeries did a number on my memory), I am more confident at work, I even visited Scotland earlier this year for an unofficial high school reunion. I saw my brother for the first time in years and reconnected with my aging uncles. I’m not as active as I was, but I am working on it.
There’s not a day goes by I forget I had cancer or chopped off my boobs, but it doesn’t make me sad, it is who I am now. The fear of recurrence comes and goes. I reassure myself I did the best I could. I remind myself the oncologist told me there is only a 1% chance it will come back. At this point I have a higher probability of getting another type of cancer. I haven’t had any blood tests for cancer since the biopsy…the surgeon prodded me a few months ago and said I was fine. I sometimes wonder if that is enough.
At 3 years I will get an ultrasound to look for any abnormalities underneath the skin above the implants; I’m less than a year away from that now. I have friend that has 6 months check ups (different doctor, hospital system and different BC), I wouldn’t swap my journey for hers, but I wouldn’t mind more thorough checkins.
I worry about stress, I use it as an excuse to retire early I’m pretty sure my desire to retire early is not going to change, and I’m pretty sure without the cancer hiccups, I would still be trying to find a way to retire early…once a princess, always a princess!